ETP 1 – 0 University: Lessons from the journey

Welcome back to the ETP Blog, I know, it’s been a minute and while you may not have heard from me on here, that’s not to say I’ve not been working hard, We’re very much loading.

I think it’s quite fitting that the main reason for my hiatus is the focus of this very reflection: University. University is not easy. At all. Transitioning to a new environment after the familiarity of school while getting to grips with the fresh academic challenges is no mean feat. As those who know me personally can attest to, my university journey was far from straightforward, so I felt that my final year of study deserved my full attention. In hindsight, I’m glad I made this decision because not only was this year one of the most rewarding academically but it also paid off as last week I celebrated my graduation. The prospect of actually completing university was something which seemed so unlikely to me this time 3 years ago and up. until the final whistle, there were obstacles which made the the journey to the promised land of graduation seem distant but I’m so grateful to God that in the end we made it. There’s so much context that could be added to colour this story but if I’m honest I don’t know where to start and where to end. However, as I’m sure you know by now I enjoy a cheeky reflection so I’d like to share some of the things that have stuck with me after my graduation and looking back at my journey throughout university. As much as I enjoy writing pieces like this so I can look back to see my state of mind at any given time, I hope that maybe those of you who have graduated might be able to relate in some way and those who are still in university, or are yet to embark on that journey can take something from my experiences and reflections.

I’ve decided to order my takeaways roughly chronologically so I can briefly take you through the years as I share some of the lessons I learned over the course of my time in university.

First year:

Give yourself grace, everyone is working it out.

It’s so easy to feel like everyone but you has got their lives together. Especially in a time where we are able to go on social media and see the highlights that people decide to share. I remember being alone in my room in first year, clicking story after story, seeing what looked like everyone having the time of their lives while I was barely getting through each day. I’d attend lectures and seminars where everyone but me seemed to know what was going on – there were times where I could have sworn I was being taught in a foreign language (Economics is not a joke, man). All of this left me feeling like I was alone in my struggles and unique in the challenges I was facing. I distinctly remember the resident tutor speaking to me and saying something like, while it seems like everyone is having a great time, that is far from the reality. Her words went in one ear and out the other as I dismissed what I felt at the time were condescending words of consolation but in hindsight I appreciate the point she was making. By the end of my university journey I’d realised that I was far from the only one who had faced difficulties, especially at the early parts of my journey. I remember when I found out I had to take a year out of uni because of some of the circumstances I’d faced and feeling like I’d failed or fallen behind my peers. On returning, I found that there were actually several other people, some who were my friends, who had gone through something similar. What this taught me was to extend grace to myself and to limit my comparisons with others. You only really ever know as much as people are willing to share with you, so a lot of the times you’re comparing your full picture, with all its complexities, with a cropped and often heavily edited version of theirs. The only reliable person I’ve found that I can measure myself against has been myself. Yes it’s good to take inspiration and learn from others but using other people as a yardstick without understanding their contexts been harmful for me at times. Showing grace to myself and understanding that I’m not alone has helped me to grow through difficult periods and is part of the reason I’m so open about some of the difficulties I’ve faced. It is always reassuring to know that you are not alone. Everyone is working it out at the same time.

Don’t suffer in silence.

This kind of links to the first point and I’m slightly reluctant to share this takeaway at risk of sounding preachy, but it’s something that has genuinely stuck with me. There were times when I would be seriously going through it but pretending like everything was ok when I was on the phone to my family or to my friends. I felt obliged to put up a front and present an image which was so far removed from my reality. I understand why I did it, after all I didn’t want to feel like a burden and to be honest I didn’t even know how to articulate how I was feeling. Hiding my true feelings from my loved ones did not benefit me though, if anything it only made things worse. I suffered in silence up until I reached a breaking point and that wasn’t good for anyone. The support I received in the aftermath is what made me appreciate the people I was privileged to have around me who were in my corner and I realised that there was no need for me to have gone through the mental turmoil alone. Moving forward, I try to be as open with those who are close to me with how I’m feeling, as I know how harmful bottling my emotions can be for me. I think clichés are cliched for a reason, they hold a lot of truth. A problem shared is truly. a problem halved (when shared with the right people), so I’ve learned that the load is so much lighter when you allow someone to help you carry it.

Second & Third years:

Follow your curiosity with action.

We’re coming back soon…

I remember treating the year I had off university as a time for rebuilding. As I was rediscovering my zest for life, I looked at everything I was interested in and tried to see where they connected and how I could pursue them. I leapt into everything from Africa Summit to Drama school and felt like a child again with the freedom to explore whatever I found interesting. The key thing I learned from this period was that it’s one thing to have ideas, it’s another thing to act on them. One thing about me, I can think but it’s the doing has always been my weak point. Whether it’s starting a blog or putting together the ETP Show (comeback soon) I’ve tried to follow my curiosity with meaningful action and I’m enjoying the outcomes so far.

Trust God.

My relationship with my faith has always been an interesting one. While I grew up in a Christian household, like many people I struggled to develop a personal relationship with God for a range of reasons I won’t get into just now. However, my university journey put me in. positions where I had no choice but to take a step back and evaluate where I stood with my faith. At one of my lowest points, there was a time in church where I felt like the Pastor was speaking directly to me when describing the circumstances someone in the congregation was facing and at that point I knew that I had no choice but to take my faith seriously. I was fortunate to find a church community which was very supportive and welcoming， providing me with what I needed to grow holistically. From that service where I felt the Pastor see exactly what I was going through, I pleaded with God to help see me through my trials and as always, He delivered. When I look back on my university journey, it’s only God that could have brought me from where I was in first year to where I was when I graduated. A funny story that encapsulates why trusting God is such an important lesson I’ve learned is the way I found my housemates after first year. At my university, most people live on campus for first year before moving off campus for the rest of their time there. As I’d been isolating myself throughout the year, I hadn’t found anyone to live with, but one day someone at church asked me if I was looking for a housemate which in fact I was. Long story short, I ended up moving in with people I’d never met before who happened to become good friends of mine and for anyone who knows how university living situations can get, that in itself is a miracle.

My brothers, who I didn’t know before moving in with them

Final Year

Community is everything.

My people, at my birthday surprise in May

If you know me, you know I always bang on about community, and for good reason. It took me a while to find a group of people that I could really call my tribe and once I found that, it’s been something I always appreciate. The contrast between the start of my university journey where I felt miserable alone and the end of my journey where I truly felt surrounded by so much love was incredibly stark and serves as a testament to the importance of finding your tribe. You can’t do this life alone, no matter what the “self made” rhetoric may preach. It really takes a village and everyone deserves to find a village that they can call their home. I found my home in multiple spaces and people – whether it was going to my friends’ house after church to watch football and chop jollof rice (shoutout Ayo and Yasmina) or if it was attending an open mic night on campus, even travelling to London for events and finding my people there. I can’t underestimate what community has done for me, in both challenges and in celebration. I will never forget how my people rallied to support me when I had a mental health episode in my final year, in a way that was such a far cry from my previous experiences and allowed me to bounce back seamlessly. Or how my people came together for my 21st and 22nd birthdays to create moments I will cherish for life. Community means so much to me because I’ve seen firsthand how transformative it can be and my university journey is testament to the fact that the journey is so much more enjoyable when you are with company.

Graduation felt like a beautiful end to an eventful chapter of my life and as I’m moving onto the next part of this journey , I hope to take these lessons with me and who knows what more there is to learn on the way. I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I will.

Love,

ETP